Last night, while riding in the bus headed to meet with friends I was so sad because I am leaving. That sadness was accompanied with a fact that i have to say goodbye to a close friend. It was hard. But I was not talking about how sad I am, I was frozen actually. Good thing is that we attended step up comedy show so it was not expected for me to talk anyway.
I was frozen. When it comes to expressing my feelings I freeze. For the next couple of days I am going to meet all of my close people and I expect to be frozen every time. I guess it just how it is programed to work. While you are in survival mode there is no place for emotion expression. More specifically, survival mode occurs when you are in danger, so emotions that are causing it are basically fear for life, so your whole body has to be adjusted in order to maintain alive.
So this is natural thing that I am experiencing.
The healing of pain caused by the fact that I have to leave close ones will occur when I move, and after a while. There is thinking that pain is ready to be healed when situation is not acute and when conditions that are causing the pain are past thing. there is one more condition that needs to be acquired, and that is the feeling of love that has to stand side to side with now lessened amount of pain. Healing will occur when I get in touch with my need – to be surrounded with people who love me, family and friends. To feel accepted.